Hi, my name is Rosemary. Sometimes you may feel as though there is no way out. That's how I felt. I tried to kill myself twice. I'm not saying my words will keep you from committing suicide, but it might help. After all, life is about learning and growing, so read on and hopefully my methods will keep you off the deep end.
Step 1:
Admit to yourself just how messed up life is. Grab a pen and paper, even a laptop and just write down every major/minor mistake you've made that has gotten you to a point where you want to kill yourself. It could be not losing weight, not going out with the "nice boy/girl", missing your payments for your bills, even something as small as not brushing your teeth every night before bed. List any and every choice YOU have made and then read through them carefully.
Step 2:
Once you've gone through step 1, write down all of the unforeseen, random circumstances that have led you to where you are now. It could be an unexpected death, an illness, an accident, or even just a simple bump into someone you know. Jot down all these seemingly random occurrences and try to remember what was happening as you were experiencing those things.
Step 3:
Accept responsibility for your actions, your choices and accept that the consequences of those actions are what led you to a path of regret and hopelessness. Then realize that those actions can also be changed to lead you away from that dark path. An example would be weight loss. You chose to not be healthy and active. You can also choose to stop your bad habits and start fresh. In the end it's not what you've done that really makes an impact, it's what you've done lately. Sure some mistakes will take a while to go away, but if you keep thinking or acting in a way where those mistakes have a longer shelf life, you will just keep suffering needlessly. Being proactive and making the good decisions that will lead to better outcomes will make those errors in judgment, even the colossal ones fade away.
Step 4:
After analyzing and seeing what you did and didn't do, know that some things are out of your control. If you completed step 2, you'll notice that perhaps you were making right choices for yourself, but something unexpected happened that slowed down your progress. It's not your fault, you couldn't help it. It's life's speed bumps that, according to your lot life, may happen often, or hardly at all. Sure it's unfair some people are lucky and barely have to deal with any truly negative situations, but that's just part of the whole universal game. "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.": To a certain extent that old saying is true. Still, it's important in this step to just take a step back, pause and let go of the worry and fear. You could go outside, talk to a friend, have some fun, forget what happened for just a night, even a week. Take this time to really understand what you want to do in life and how you want to do it. Explore, plan and think ahead.
Step 5:
This is the single most important step of all. Once you take a pause from life, from your mistakes, get right back into making the right choices for yourself. I won't lie and say it's easy. It's friggin hard, especially if you think you're just too old, too sick, too stupid, too everything. If you just start, push yourself through the initial moves, it'll get easier, you'll feel better; you might even have a new perspective, a new desire. Go out and get it! It might take a while, you might even get a dozen or more speed bumps, but trust me, if you keep going, repeating the steps, it'll go by quicker and you'll eventually breeze through the "tough times". It's not going to fix things immediately, it's not a certain fix, but it's something I used to get myself out of dying. Hopefully it will help you.
Good Luck,
Rosemary
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