A Recipe For Depression

Depressed? Here's a recipe for you. Sound familiar?

Ingredients:

1 Cup of Avoidance

2 Cups of Worry

3 to 9 Hours of television (Video games or social media may be substituted)

1 Standard sized couch (lounge chair may be substituted)

3 Unhealthy meals a day

3/4 Cup of Pessimism

A pinch of Cynicism (Social or Occupational Cynicism may both be used)

Sprinkle lightly with genetic pre-dispositions

Avoidance and worry are key ingredients that must be mixed carefully to avoid frothing. If you have trouble avoiding things and worrying you may have to find a willing partner to help you stay away from uncomfortable topics.

Avoid discussing finances, sex and parenting and you can create a perfect formula for making yourselves a little nuts over time. To complete this formula take whatever you have avoided and think about it incessantly. Share your worries with no one, ever.

After gently combining Avoidance and Worry, slowly add the couch and 3 to 9 hours of television.

Next, mix in the unhealthy eating, this may be done on the couch while watching TV to get the maximum effect.

Add the Pessimism and stir vigorously while adding the Cynicism. Sprinkle the top of the mix with any amount of genetic pre-dispositions you can find.

This dish can be served cold, baked, toasted, fried.

Most prefer baked, or being baked. Half baked is OK, too.

This dish is best served with a fine chianti and fava beans.

While this recipe provides enough for one serving, the recipe can easily be expanded to serve whole families and communities, perhaps nations.

Warnings:

A steady diet of this recipe will lead to some risks. Sharp objects, guns, and other tools of self harm should not be in the same house where this recipe is prepared.

Please keep out of the hands of children.

Overdoses may be treated by a competent therapist.

Bon Appetit!